i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
