you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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