The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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