just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
