Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
