I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
