so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
