just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
