Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
