...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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