I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
