SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
