it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He shit in the fireplace
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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