Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
