Joe is yelling at the trees again.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
