So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
