Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
