told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
