Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
