Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
