Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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