Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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