i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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