Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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