we're chasing vodka with high fives
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
