have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
