yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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