I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
