somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
