if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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