the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize