I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i barfeds in our rink
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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