If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
