Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
