my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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