is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We left an ass print on the piano.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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