I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
