you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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