I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
