Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
