you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
