We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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