Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
