I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Houston, we have a blender
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
