Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
