It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
