now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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