I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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