Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
