You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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