My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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