why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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