If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
