i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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