Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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