K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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