i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
