Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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