he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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