dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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