I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
