and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
