Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
