I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
