see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
