she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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