dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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