I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
