lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
