You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
