Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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