I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you didnt know i had herpes?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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