My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
