Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i think i just lost a toe
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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