My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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