im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
